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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

you might be a redneck

if you've driven around with a toilet in the back of your truck for so long that you forgot it was there....

you might be a redneck

so the truth is out. i have to come clean. i guess i'm a redneck. the toilet in question came out of my main floor half-bath.

which is still toilet-less.

but it was cracked, and i had to hire a plumber to change some pipes for the kitchen reno, and the reno of the upstairs bath.... so i asked him to take it and the ratty old sink beside it out. (still sink-less too) there are 2 brand new low flow toilets, still in boxes, stacked in the sink-less, toilet-less bathroom, awaiting installation of the new floors in both baths before they can go in.

so, the toilet. i got the plumber to help me move it from the front step (cuz i didn't want to LOOK like a redneck, and the neighbors might object) to the box of my pickup, for disposal. but every trip to the landfill costs me $10, so i thought i'd wait till i had a full load at least. there's carpet to tear up still.

then all hell broke loose at work, and i nearly fired 2 staff members. probably should have, but i really NEED a holiday (which began today) and they're both disabled in some way, so i try to be .... what? stupid, maybe...... it's an authority issue, so it'll come back, and i may have to fire them anyway. but, first, i get my holiday.

so, with that, and trying to get the kitchen back into functioning state (new cabinets are in) i really did forget about the toilet in the back of my truck. the truck box has a hard cover, so the thing's not sitting proudly back there making a spectacle of itself. it's laying on its side, with the cover almost closed, as the toilet's just a tad bigger than the depth of the box...... cover tied down with a bit of string i happened to have behind the seat. (if you can always find a bit of string or wire or rope behind your truck seat, you might be a redneck) .... and a 6 inch gap through which there's an occasional gleam of white porcelain.

meanwhile, i got a panicky call from a young bride, whose wedding violinist had cancelled. 3 days before the wedding. was i available? k. sure. i can do that for you. i know the repertoire. rehearsal and wedding at the brand spankin' new ginormous catholic church.

on the natal day, off in the furthest corner of the parking lot, if you were looking, you might have seen a rusty little red ford ranger pull in, with the hardtop on the box tied shut with a piece of twine, and a used toilet peeking from under it. as the door opened, a middle aged woman in fromal concert black stepped out, reached back in for a violin case, and strode purposefully to the church.

which is magnificent

she joined the pianist in playing Pachelbel's Canon in D as the gorgeous bridal party made its solemn way up the sun dappled aisle under majestic gothic arches towards the massive stained glass windows, under the reverent eyes of the priest. it was a beautiful wedding.

then she packed up her violin, and strode, in formal concert black, back to the furthest corner of the parking lot, where awaited the rusty little ford ranger, with the used toilet in the back, protected partially from the public eye by a frayed piece of twine. and she drove her toilet home.

some twisted part of my psyche finds the whole thing humorous. though others may not. and, i did try to be discreet, but i couldn't park too far away. it was HOT out, and i can't walk far in those shoes. ..... but i wonder if someone noticed, and if that's why i haven't yet been paid...?

so... the toilet.....i didn't want to dispose of it at the ReStore. firstly, we don't take used toilets, for a number of reasons, and, secondly, we pay for our dumping, and i don't want to set an example, for employees to bring their oversized trash there for 'free' dumping. so finally, as, with all-hell-breaking-loose-at-work, i was getting no further with renovations (and, specifically, tearing up of carpets) any time soon, i asked the maintenance guy at my condo if it was acceptable to put such things in the communal dumpster. he replied, "not really, but everyone does it, so, here, let me give you a hand with that." and after 2 weeks of driving around with a toilet i wasn't sure what to do with, it was gone.

life is never dull. a bit weird at times, but never dull.