sleepless

5:30 a.m.  Still wide awake. Hardly a blink all night

Insomnia is the inability to obtain an adequate amount or quality of sleep. The difficulty can be in falling asleep, remaining asleep, or both. People with insomnia do not feel refreshed when they wake up. Insomnia is a common symptom affecting millions of people that may be caused by many conditions, diseases, or circumstances.

define "adequate amount"

People who have insomnia do not start the day refreshed from a good night's sleep. They are tired. They may have difficulty falling asleep, and commonly lie in bed tossing and turning for hours. Or the individual may go to sleep without a problem but wakes in the early hours of the morning and is either unable to go back to sleep, or drifts into a restless unsatisfying sleep. This is a common symptom in the elderly and in those suffering from depression. Sometimes sleep patterns are reversed and the individual has difficulty staying awake during the day and takes frequent naps. The sleep at night is fitful and frequently interrupted.

Transient insomnia is often caused by a temporary situation in a person's life, such as an argument with a loved one, a brief medical illness, or jet lag. When the situation is resolved or the precipitating factor disappears, the condition goes away, usually without medical treatment.

Chronic insomnia usually has different causes, and there may be more than one. These include:

• A medical condition or its treatment, including sleep apnea
• Use of substances such as caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine
• Psychiatric conditions such as mood or anxiety disorders
• Stress, such as sadness caused by the loss of a loved one or a job
• Disturbed sleep cycles caused by a change in work shift
• Sleep-disordered breathing, such as snoring
• Periodic jerky leg movements (nocturnal myoclonus), which happen just as the individual is falling asleep
• Repeated nightmares or panic attacks during sleep.

None of the above seem to apply.

I

there's no space under my bed; it's built from the floor up.... so there can't be a rhino there....       

can there?  

no one else is home this weekend, so I can putter without disturbing anyone.... do the dishes..... pack up some things I'll want to take to the B&B tomorrow (no, wait - that's today) ... play my harp or read a bit.... get the monthly bookkeeping done

Or I can sit very still in the dark, with only the electric fireplace's warm comforting glow, and listen. To the night sounds of the city. To my dog sighing in his sleep. To my neighbor as he gets ready for work. He's a baker, so he was up softly thumping about not long ago, having his shower, perhaps looking for a lost sock? He quietly ate his lonely early morning breakfast. Then, stumping discreetly out the door he followed his nose to a spotless kitchen somewhere in the ebon stillness of the city. There he'll conceive yeasty, sweet, sticky delights. The magic of rising dough,  gestating, growing in the belly of the bakery until birth, warm and steaming into a world salivating with expectancy, just in time for the rest of the world to want breakfast. He'll tidy up and come home then, as the day shift has lunch, to finish his day as carefully and quietly as he began it. 

I'm sure I'll sleep well tomorrow.... that is - tonight.